The Ugly Truth About Grief
“Grief changes shape, but it never ends." ~ Keanu Reeves
We all experience grief at some point in our lives, and it is never easy. If your feelings are overwhelming, you may have to find ways to work through them. Taking the time and being patient is essential. Having the proper support where people allow you to process your grief as opposed to stuffing your grief is vital for ultimate healing along this journey. And please know grief is never something one ever “gets over.” It’s finding a new normal and sense of home when your dearest loved one is gone. You can feel like a part of you has disappeared when you lose a loved one. It can be hard to keep going and to find the motivation to move forward. It is important to remember that they would want you to continue to live your life and find joy in it. Sometimes there is no way to move, think, or breathe without feeling these overwhelming emotions simultaneously. There are times when you are literally beside yourself and questioning the event, the passing and life. Everything plays like a movie in your head, you try not to think about it, but you can’t help it. Heck, even when you are sleeping, you dream as if your loved one was alive and this was a horrible nightmare, and then you find some moments of peace and comfort. However, this false sense of comfort does not last for long because as you wake up from this dream, you realize that this nightmare is your reality. Grief is not easy. If you are or have been going through a difficult time of sorrow, here are some points that might be helpful:
1: Embracing Your Emotions
Grief is a complex and multifaceted emotion. Giving yourself permission to feel and express your emotions without judgment is crucial. Allow yourself to cry, scream, or simply sit in silence. Embracing your emotions will help you process your grief and begin the healing process.
2: Seeking Support
During times of grief, it is essential to lean on those around you for support. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can offer a listening ear and understanding. Sharing your experiences and feelings with others who have gone through similar situations can provide immense comfort and validation.
3: Honoring Your Loved One
Creating a space to honour and remember your loved one can be a meaningful part of grieving. Consider setting up a memorial, planting a tree, or carrying out an act of kindness in their memory. These gestures can help keep their spirit alive and provide a sense of connection.
4: Self-Care and Healing
Amidst grief, caring for yourself may feel challenging, but it is essential. Engage in activities that bring you joy and provide a sense of peace. This could include practicing mindfulness, engaging in physical exercise, or pursuing creative outlets like writing or painting. Remember, self-care is not selfish but a necessary part of the healing journey.
5: Seeking Professional Help
If you find yourself struggling to cope with your grief, do not hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists or grief counsellors can provide invaluable guidance and support as you navigate the complexities of grief. They can offer coping strategies tailored to your specific needs and help you find a path towards healing.
Things to keep in mind.
You may feel that nothing matters anymore, which is a reasonable thing to feel. You should know that it's okay to feel that way, even if you fall into a black hole of despair and sadness. But! Don't let your grief hold you back from doing stuff—especially the stuff that makes you happy.
This is a critical point: Grief is complicated and deeply layered. Don't be surprised if you don't always understand what's happening inside yourself or why certain things trigger your emotions. It's also normal for people to go through stages of grief in different orders (and sometimes all at once), which means that many people find themselves experiencing "stuckness" while working through their loss.
Some people may be uncomfortable with your grief.
· Some people may not know what to say when you tell them about your grief.
· Some people might not understand the extent of your grief, or they think they do. Still, they don't, and this will make them uncomfortable around you because they're awkward with emotions and have no idea how to comfort someone suffering (which is understandable).
· Some people might try to be helpful by offering advice that doesn't apply to your situation
You don't have to do things the way other people do them, or even yourself from before. If something doesn't feel right for you, don't do it! It's okay not to feel like going out with people after a loss because being around many people can be overwhelming (especially if everyone is laughing and having fun).
If something feels good for you, but you're worried about what others will think—don't worry. Grief isn't always easy, and sometimes we need support from one another during our healing processes--but sometimes we also need time alone to figure out what works best for us personally when dealing with these challenging experiences in life.
Grief doesn't have a magical timeline.
Grief is a part of life. It's something that everyone experiences, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Grief itself is not something that can be fixed, rushed or avoided.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you should “get over it” or that there are ways to make your grief disappear faster than it naturally will. You don’t need to apologize for your feelings. Grief is a deeply personal and individual experience. There is no "right" way to grieve, and everyone's journey will look different.
Remember to be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to unfold naturally. By embracing your emotions, seeking support, honouring your loved one, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help when needed, you can find light in the darkness and navigate the path of grief towards healing and eventual peace.
“We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea—whether to sail or watch it—we are going back from whence we came. John F. Kennedy
