Which Inner Child is at the Office Today?
"The inner child" is a term used in psychology to describe the part of us still connected to our childhood selves. This part of us contains our innate feelings, desires, and needs that we may have suppressed during our formative years.
We can better understand our current circumstances by tapping into this part of ourselves. When we have an inner child who needs comfort, nurturing, or reassurance, it can show up in our lives as fear, doubt and insecurity.
The good news is that each of these "inner children" has a positive aspect if you can recognize them and bring them into balance.
The too-scared-to-speak-up child
The victim is the most common inner child in your office. This child is often passive-aggressive and a perfectionist. They can be triggered by fear, shame, guilt, and a sense of wrongdoing or mistreatment. This can make them overly critical and judgmental of others and themselves and become passive-aggressive. They may also strive for perfection in their work, leading to significant stress and anxiety.
They are also people-pleasers who find it difficult to say no, so they take on more than they can handle.
If you have a victim child working with you, beware! This inner child wants things done their way or not at all and will frequently complain about how much work there is to do even though no one else seems bothered by it (or perhaps even grateful for the opportunity).
I know it all, Child
This is often an intellectual or someone with extensive knowledge of a particular subject. This child is often a perfectionist and can be very hard on themselves. When they feel inadequate or need to prove something, this inner child can come out in the workplace in many ways:
They will seek out opportunities for intellectual challenge and stimulation
They may seem judgmental towards others who don't have as much knowledge as them (or think they do).
They may feel the need to prove themselves and their expertise to colleagues constantly
Overly critical of themselves and their work
The need to control the situation
To be seen as the most knowledgeable person in the room
Must be validated by colleagues and bosses to feel confident about themselves
Will be unethical to climb the success ladder
Struggle to accept criticism and may overwork themselves to prove their value
The abandoned child
The abandoned child has difficulty trusting others and always second-guesses their coworkers. As a result, they often struggle to form trustworthy relationships and feel they must protect themselves. This is because they had to learn to rely on their resources rather than having a supportive environment where they could trust their needs would be met.
The abandoned child often feels like an outsider in their own life, with no place to belong or fit in. They may think that other people will leave them too (even though this is probably not true), making it difficult for them to form relationships outside their family unit or close circle of friends."
What happens at work when an abandoned child shows up?
May not share their ideas at work, believing their opinions are not worth considering or rejected
They may avoid asking for help at work, even if needed because they fear they won't get it or will be taken advantage of.
Finds it difficult to collaborate, preferring to work independently on projects with clear boundaries and goals.
Reluctant to ask their boss for help, even when they struggle with a task, because they fear being judged or rejected.
Takes on multiple roles in the workplace, such as extra work or managing coworkers, to ensure their needs are met.
The bossy child (the need to be in control to feel safe)
You may be a control freak if your bossy child shows up at work. You might have high standards for yourself and others, making it challenging to collaborate with others or delegate work. You are also likely to micromanage projects and tasks--even if they aren't yours!
For example, you might be reluctant to pass a project off to someone else even if you know they are more qualified. Instead, you might want to do it yourself. This can lead to a feeling of overwhelm, constantly monitoring and double-checking others' work to ensure it meets your standards. This behaviour can also lead to resentment from those around you, as they may feel their work is not appreciated or respected.
The bossy child wants everything done right the first time. They have trouble admitting when they are wrong or making mistakes (which means they might never learn from their errors). They get upset when things don't go as planned. It can also result from a need to be in control or have a sense of order.
Control-Freak checklist
They may also have difficulty seeing alternative perspectives or solutions and resist change.
Control freaks often have difficulty trusting others to do things correctly or feel the need to control every aspect of a project.
Unwilling to take risks or explore creative ideas as you prefer to stick to what you already know and are comfortable with.
Control freaks tend to be detail-oriented and want everything to proceed according to plan.
An obsessive need to be in charge.
Strong desire to control everything and everyone around you
Being in control makes you feel safe, significant, and in power
If you micromanage, micro-direct, and over-instruct, it hurts your career more than you realize.
The Inner Critic
The inner critic results from our primitive survival instinct that protects us from danger.
It is our mind's way of keeping us safe by second-guessing our decisions and being overly cautious.
However, your inner critic can ruin your professional experience. Flooding your mind with negative thoughts and doubts can lead to procrastination, perfectionism, and self-sabotage. It can also make you feel overwhelmed, anxious and stressed, making it difficult to focus on the task and be productive.
These parts of ourselves judge everything we do and can be harsh on others and ourselves. They are quick to point out flaws in others while ignoring their problems--or even making excuses for them! They're negative, critical and judgmental.
Inner critics often have an air of superiority about them: "I know better than you and do what's right for you!" They may be arrogant or condescending when talking to people with less experience or knowledge than themselves. Inner critics overestimate their learning and abilities and underestimate others' knowledge and skills. They often think that their way of thinking is the only way and that their opinion is the only one that matters.
How do we bring balance to our inner child for a better life experience?
Learn to recognize your inner child's behaviours so that you can balance your life.
The inner child is a metaphor, not a physical person. It's the part of you still alive with all your memories and feelings from childhood. It can be positive or negative, depending on your childhood experiences. Most importantly, the meanings you attach to things are always subconscious. The inner child is associated with the subconscious mind, a part of your personality you can't easily control or access. It's the part of you deeply rooted in your childhood experiences and influences your behaviour and thoughts daily.
It's imperative to acknowledge your inner child, understand and heal it. This can help you build a better relationship with yourself and others, ultimately leading to a happier and healthier life.
Most people have at least one age where they feel strong emotions like anger or sadness; this is called your "inner child age." For example: if your mom left home when you were 7 years old and never came back until after high school graduation, then maybe that was when you experienced the most intense emotions (maybe even rage) towards her leaving without saying goodbye or providing an explanation for why she did so?
Final thoughts! Acknowledge your inner child and practice being kind and compassionate towards yourself.
Spend time connecting with yourself and understanding what you need and want.
Remember that it's okay to make mistakes and to be vulnerable. How to heal your inner child Start by acknowledging and understanding your feelings. Connect with your inner child through journaling, visualization and meditation. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and express your feelings without judgment.
Engage in activities that bring joy and inner peace to you, such as spending time in nature, listening to music, or participating in creative pursuits.
This is similar to tending to a garden. You must start by acknowledging and understanding what is already there and then nourishing it with love and care to foster healthy growth. You must be willing to get your hands dirty and put in the effort for your garden to bloom and thrive.
Consider how you can help your inner child feel safe and secure.
This could include self-care activities, contacting supportive friends or family, or seeking professional help. You might also want to think about times when someone else has acted like one of the children listed above. Recognizing the importance of supporting your inner child can help you better handle similar situations in the future. Moreover, understanding how to empathize with and support someone who exhibits similar behaviour can enable you to be a better human and support system for others.
