The Pain of Refusing Help: Battling Addictions
“I have found that the process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don't want to be." Alcoholics Anonymous
They refuse to accept help to stay sober, yet living within their own skin is far too painful. Addictions are like never-ending cancers of the mind, body and spirit. You watch your loved one die every day. Their sense of reality is so skewed they drown daily in chaos. You keep throwing them lifelines; they reject them all and continue to cry out in pain. Their denial that they have a problem grows thicker as the years pass, just as an untreated disease would worsen without treatment. Often loved ones are wrapped up in trying to control or fix the addiction, which is a never-ending battle. Sometimes you have to face what you fear the most for your loved ones: death, hospitals, jails or mental institutions. You've tried everything to help them get sober and healthy again, but nothing has worked. They may even become angry with those who try and help them because accepting help means admitting there is an issue that needs addressing and dealing with it head-on, which can be difficult for anyone, especially an addict who doesn't want anyone telling them what to do or how things should be done! You've exhausted your options, so now you're uncertain how to proceed.
You feel defeated and hopeless like there's no way out of this endless cycle of pain and suffering. This is where most don’t know how to give up on their loved ones—and usually, they give up on themselves instead--but it doesn't have to be this way! In this blog post, we explore the profound impact of addiction and the heart-wrenching reality of watching a loved one suffer while they deny their need for assistance.
1. Addiction as a Never-Ending Chronic Disease:
Addictions infiltrate the mind, body, and spirit. Just as cancer cells relentlessly multiply and spread, addiction takes hold, gradually eroding an individual's sense of self and well-being. The disease can cloud a person's judgement, leading to cycles of all kinds of destructive behaviours. The recipient may feel powerless to end these familiar patterns, resulting in physical, mental, and emotional deterioration. It becomes an all-consuming force, leaving no aspect of life untouched. The pain experienced by those living with addiction is profound and unrelenting, leading to a desperate desire for escape but never entirely escaping.
2. Watching a Loved One's Demise:
The pain is twofold for those who care deeply about someone struggling with substance abuse. Despite the disease of addiction, there was a glimmer of hope for this person. Their hearts are kind and well-intentioned, but their actions fall short. Not only are they witnessing this agonizing destruction, but they also bear the weight of helplessness. Each day becomes a painful reminder of the loved one's gradual physical and emotional decline. It is a heartbreaking experience that often leaves family and friends powerless and desperate for a solution, often more than the addict.
3. The Distorted Reality of Denial:
One of the most challenging aspects of addiction is the individual's denial of their problem. Despite the mounting evidence and the heartfelt efforts of their support system, they continue to reject the lifelines extended to them. Their perception of reality becomes so skewed that it is akin to drowning in a sea of distorted thoughts and emotions. Their pain is real, but their refusal to accept help perpetuates a cycle of suffering.
4. The Frustration of Rejected Lifelines:
As loved ones, we do everything we can to help those struggling with addiction. We offer support, guidance, and resources, hoping they will seize the opportunity for change. However, it is disheartening when these lifelines are met with rejection. Each refusal feels like a blow, deepening the anguish experienced by both parties. It is vital to understand that addiction is a complex disease, and the individual's denial does not reflect their lack of love or appreciation for those offering help.
5. The antidote to addictions is humility & spirituality:
Once humility is at the forefront, the addiction takes a backseat and allows for change, growth and healing to begin. A higher power can take various forms, depending on one's spiritual or religious beliefs. It can be God, universal energy, or a force greater than oneself. Embracing a higher power involves acknowledging that certain things are beyond our control and that we need assistance in our journey towards recovery. Faith in a higher power can provide the strength to make positive changes in our lives and to stay on the path of recovery. It can help us stay focused and accountable for our actions as we strive to reach our goals. It can also give us hope and the courage to take risks and overcome obstacles.
Please understand this:
Those trapped in addiction and their loved ones are subject to excruciating experiences. It is a relentless battle that consumes every aspect of one's being, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. Despite the lifelines thrown their way, some individuals refuse to accept help, making their journey towards sobriety even more painful and challenging.
Living with addiction is a harrowing experience that leaves the individual and their loved ones grappling with immense pain. The refusal to accept help amplifies this suffering, creating a seemingly never-ending cycle of despair. It is crucial for all parties involved to recognize the complexities of addiction and the challenges that come with overcoming denial. By fostering compassion, understanding, and perseverance, we can continue to support those battling addiction and work towards a brighter future where help is not rejected but embraced as a lifeline towards healing.
Know your limits:
You can't do it alone. Accepting that you can't save someone from themselves would be best. Only you can protect yourself. You can offer support and guidance, but please stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. (One of my favourite quotes by Penny Reid.)
Entering recovery is the only way to save them. The addict must take responsibility for their actions and change. It is possible to break the cycle of addiction and begin a new life.
The bottom line is that you can't make someone get help. They have to want it for themselves and accept help from others. If they aren't ready yet, you can do nothing more than pray they will be prepared one day. In the meantime, you must get back to taking care and control of your life and live it wholeheartedly.
Resources:
Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon are effective recovery programs. Al-Anon and Codependency groups are often for those struggling with addiction, and sometimes A.A members are in these groups, too, for additional support.
They offer a safe and supportive environment for addiction sufferers and their loved ones. These programs are based on the 12-step program and provide emotional and spiritual support. They also serve as a network to help individuals stay on track with their recovery.
Combining the 12 Steps program with Rapid Transformational Therapy is an invaluable resource. RTT helps identify the source of emotional conflicts and negative thought patterns. It also empowers us to access our inner strength and power, enabling us to make positive changes in our lives. It is a holistic approach to healing that addresses both the conscious and subconscious mind. Remember that the subconscious mind stores our beliefs, values, and memories, which can profoundly affect our behaviour. Hypnotherapy helps us identify and modify the underlying beliefs that keep us from achieving our goals, giving us the power to make lasting changes.
Search in your area for A. A meetings for all the programs that may apply to you or for a loved one.
https://www.aatoronto.org Alcoholics Anonymous in Toronto meetings list
https://www.aa.org/aa-around-the-world A.A World Wide meeting lists
https://al-anon.alateen.on.ca/meetings/?tsml-region=toronto Al-Anon and Alateen South Ontario meetings list this is for family and friends of the addict
https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/ Worldwide Al-Anon meeting list
https://coda.org Co-dependency worldwide meeting list
https://codacanada.ca/meetings/?tsml-day=any Co-dependency Canada meeting list
https://www.torontona.org Narcotics Anonymous in Toronto
https://na.org Narcotics Anonymous World-Wide
https://www.saontario.org/sa-location/toronto-sexaholics-anonymous Sexaholics Anonymous Toronto
https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/addresses Gamblers Anonymous
https://oa.org/find-a-meeting/?type=0 Overeaters Anonymous
http://www.spenders.org Spenders Anonymous
Here is an example of an A.A. speaker who shares his story of finding sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous. He talks about his struggles and successes and continues to use the program to stay sober. He hopes to inspire others to get help and start their own recovery journey.
An open letter from a recovering addict. It is really powerful and worth the read.
The chairperson at a meeting I attended recently, who is also a member of AA, shared on this "Open Letter to the Alcoholic," which I've always thought was very powerful. I hadn't read it for a while, so it was a good reminder to me. The letter appears in the Al-Anon pamphlet "Three Views of Alcoholism." If you're not familiar with it, I've included it here:
Open Letter from the Alcoholic
I am an alcoholic. I need your help.
Don't lecture, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry with me for having cancer or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease, too.
Don't pour out my liquor; it's just a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.
Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion about myself. I hate myself enough already.
Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful.
Don't accept my promises. I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.
Don't make empty threats. Once you have made a decision, stick to it.
Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily.
Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice.
Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking. Don't lie for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you provide an automatic escape for the consequences of my drinking.
Above all, do learn all you can about alcoholism and your role in relation to me. Go to open AA meetings when you can. Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in touch with Al-Anon members. They're the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly.
I love you.
Your Alcoholichttps://alanon.activeboard.com/t56610233/open-letter-from-the-alcoholic/?w_r=1691690742
